Ever since about fifth or sixth grade, I have found ways to be unhappy with things about myself. Mostly physical things, the shape of my nose, the size of my thighs, and many, many more. I did everything I could to make myself feel good on the outside. Bought books (yup, before YouTube) on makeup application, I tried to tame my super curly hair (hello days of dead straight hair) and started to be a little more concerned with what I ate. I will say, those things helped. I noticed when I blew out my hair I had a little extra spring in my step versus when I wore it curly and I felt like I had to constantly be checking if my curls were out of control.
I would say the biggest transformation for me was in college when I decided I really wanted to get into shape. I was ashamed that I couldn't run a quarter of a mile without being winded. I started going to the gym 5-6 days a week and just did a short run on the treadmill and started lifting weights. I gradually made my runs longer and added in some biking. I started to learn a little more about weightlifting and eating better. By Thanksgiving of my Freshman year I was down a whole pant size and had to go shopping when I came home for break. That is when I started to feel like my true self.
It has been 10 years since then, I am in the best shape of my life, I am eating even healthier, I have a wonderful life. But, somehow I still don't feel that I am at my momentary best.
I was reading a
Glamour article the other day and the words have continued to resonate with me.
" I think the only thing you need to work hard for is feeling like a 10. And then everything else is easier."
At first, I just passed by that phrase but as I continued to read, I realized that was exactly my problem. I continue to dig at myself for eating one too many cookies or skipping my ab workout. I make mental lists of the things I want to change one day because then and only then will I feel AWESOME (I'm looking at you, puberty stretch marks). So I talk to myself with constant criticism because I have turned myself into a to do list. In reality, I am just beating up my self-esteem with each and every check box.
The second part of the article that stuck with me was:
"How would you do this move if you were feeling like a 10?" and encouraging joyful movement with smiling, clapping, and high-fiving. "I have this belief that people will feel [happy]. With the music and the movement and ideas, it's a great combination."
I didn't necessarily think about this for my workouts (which was the intent of this statement) but more in my everyday life. If you watch certain celebrities that have the joie de vivre, I think this is what they have. They feel like they are a 10 so they move like a 10. Think of Sophia Vergara, that woman has confidence to burn. I don't think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, nor do I think she has the perfect body, but you can tell she is comfortable in her own skin and that shows through her facial expressions and her movements. That is what makes her a 10! Her confidence is her most beautiful asset.
Part of me is a little ashamed that I had this huge light bulb moment at age 28 from reading a Glamour article but I have to give credit where credit is due. This was a game changer for me. I am going to start moving like I am a 10, choosing food and fitness like I am a 10, cause even if I am the only person that thinks I am a 10, that is good enough.
