Ok, my goal is to make this less like that awkward seventh grade Health class discussion and more of a way to have some true life, real girl talk. So let me tell you about an experience I had last week, but first a little back story. I have talked about my start at a healthy lifestyle a few times on the blog but just as a refresher. My parents always told me I was beautiful, perfect, the normal parenting deal. So I didn't have a body image problem until around middle school. I started noticing that things were growing, pants weren't really fitting anymore (thanks puberty). I noticed that some girls had tons of curves, some had tiny curves, some had no curves. I then noticed my metabolism started to change and I was going up in pant sizes. My sweet mom just said I was growing... but in fact, I was eating pretty poorly (My lunch was a nutty bar, a Slim Jim and a milk, for reals).
I changed schools for High School, it was a private Catholic school which was vastly different from the inner city school I attended for Middle School. So by the time I got into High School I started to notice that girls were watching what they ate, girls were eating salads, super healthy sandwiches, fruit or sometimes, not anything. I remember walking into the bathroom and finding two girls throwing up on purpose. I didn't think anything of it, they still looked healthy and it wasn't really my business to judge them, etc. They were spending a ton of time in the mornings getting ready (and they honestly all looked great, I had no discipline to get ready for an hour)
So towards the end of High School, I realized I was out of shape. I remember looking at a picture of me on vacation and it was not how I wanted to look. I knew I had some excess weight on me (I would say around 10 pounds, nothing too crazy) from pure laziness and lack of eating healthy foods. I was barely able to run the mile in gym class (I cheated and skipped a lap so my time wasn't as embarrassing). My Junior year, we got a salad bar in the cafeteria and I was in a super tiny gym class that allowed us to use the weight room (instead of playing dodgeball woohoo!). So I started eating a big salad at lunch and actually participating in gym class. I noticed that I was feeling better throughout the day and that I was a little less winded doing normal things. I started trying to take better care of myself (hello straightener and makeup). Soon, I lost a few lbs and began feeling pretty cute, I even snagged myself a BF my senior year (he was extremely low maintenance so don't think it was one of those 90s makeover movies, I just became more confident and fun and I think that was the attraction).
Moving on, once I got to college I decided I really wanted to get in shape so I could play on our club lacrosse team. I started going to the gym every day and running. I would set small goals and once I achieved them, I would set new ones. I soon LOVED to work out and run, I was seeing how strong I could get and I even dropped a pant size by Thanksgiving break. I started feeling so confident and healthy knowing I was able to control my body in a healthy way. I was choosing better foods and making better choices. I was getting stronger and feeling better and better. That gym is where I met my husband!
Flash forward and now I am part-time cycling instructor, certified in multiple group fitness classes and an active runner. I feel like I am in the best shape of my life. I am constantly trying to find new ways to cook veggies and cut sugar. I still have a long way to go as far as having a perfect diet because sugar tastes delicious, french fries are sent from the gods, but I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was in High School.
Now, on to my story. This past week in my cycling class, I was cooling my class down and told them to look in the mirror and say something that they liked about themselves or something they were proud of. I said "I am proud of myself because I took a bite of a cookie at lunch and then put it down cause I just didn't need it". The comment got a few chuckles because who can't relate to the struggle of lunch dessert AmIRight??
So after class ended, I had a few people come up and ask me about my playlist and were giving me awesome comments about class (woohooo!! Ego boost!!). I noticed a regular of mine, starting to walk over to me. She starts by saying "Katie, you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful body. but I wanted to bring it to your attention that saying things like you only took a bite of a cookie can bring issues for people with past eating disorders." She went on a little bit about how she used to struggle with an eating disorder and how she just had a baby so she is really struggling with her body. She mentioned that some people may have eaten a cookie that day so how would that make them feel? etc.
As she is talking, the more upset I am getting for multiple reasons. Firstly, I never want to make people feel inadequate or question their beauty, etc. Secondly, I had a big milestone, it takes a lot for me to turn down food. Sugar is something I really struggle with so making a decision to turn down a treat in my mind, is a good thing. Striving to live healthy is a good thing and limiting foods that negate that, is recommended. I feel like if I had said "Guys, I ate half a dozen cookies today!!", I would have had the same reaction because someone could be upset that I can eat like that and still look fit, etc.
I thanked her for letting me know and began to explain to her that I am focusing on a healthy lifestyle and getting off of sugar and Diet Coke, etc. I told her that I was really proud of myself for my decision that day, etc. Thankfully we were able to part ways amicably but that conversation ate at me for the next few days.
I have never struggled with an eating disorder but I definitely have and still struggle with body image issues. I decided that my problem with this conversation was that I felt she didn't take into account that I could have/do suffer from body image issues and I have had a large moment of growth recently. Essentially, I just feel like we need to build each other up when we are doing and choosing healthy things. That was my whole reason for telling people to say something positive about themselves in the mirror.
Honestly, I have no way of knowing if either or both of us are in the right. In my mind, I shouldn't have to keep quiet about healthy goals I am achieving. I definitely think there are ways to be sensitive to certain topics regarding food which is why I try to talk about healthy choices. But, I am open to learning more about the topic and how to handle situations like these in the future.
I would love any feedback you have on the topic. If you have been in that woman's place or in my place. Should food be a topic too taboo to talk about in a gym setting?
